Will you blow on my dice?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
