Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
