I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
