They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
