His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
