Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
