i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
