So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
