My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
