His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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