His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just had sex on a roof
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
