just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
