nut hugger
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
