Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
