You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
