you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I didn't notice because vodka
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
