i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
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I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
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He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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