Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
