He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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