What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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