I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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