she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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