i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
