there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
