You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
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so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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