There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
