Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
