I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize