you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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