I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
