i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
