My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
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I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
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He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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