I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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