Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
