i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
