dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
