sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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