Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
