So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
