the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
