Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
