I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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