My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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