Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
