best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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