My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
