I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
