I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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