My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
