i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
