only if we run a train.
done.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
