too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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