lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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