ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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