i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
