One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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