Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
