my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
