He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
