yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
