um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I cut my penus on the lid.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
