6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
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I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
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so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i now understand why vodka
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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