I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
