I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
