Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
not ubering you a puppy
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