That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
