I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
