Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize