I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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