Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
