So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
