Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
