you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
