Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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