I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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