dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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